Delusions of Grandeur - The seed of bad behaviour

Is there ever an excuse for bad behaviour? Should good behaviour be relative according to the people we have interactions with?

In spiritual circles we often speak about care, love; appreciation and respect; and we have heard the saying many times - "We are so humble and respectful in the beginning of our spiritual journey", but as we 'advance' and the years pass by, these values can become a secondary consideration; whereas so called renunciation and detachment seem to take the drivers' seat.

An unhealthy understanding like this develops if we allow ourselves to be drawn into the bubble of superficiality caused by a subtle conviction that we are the centre of the universe; and yes this belief can also exist in our spiritual life, where ironically, we are striving to rid ourselves of this mentality.

Ok... So we may theoretically understand that we aren't the centre of the universe, but how often does this understanding reflect in our actions?

We gradually start developing a certain level of detachment from this world and the identity we had prior to spiritual life, but does that mean we become insensitive to the circumstances of others and how they feel as a direct result of our behaviour towards them?

The feelings of people are ocean deep and are impossible for another person to understand completely; all is not as it seems regardless of how realised we think we have become. In the ancient Vedic scriptures, it is explained that God expands into many different forms, and one of these forms is called the Paramatma, or the Supersoul which resides in the heart of every living being; the Supersoul knows the heart of everyone, as well as their desires; actions and emotions. We must understand that we aren't on the same level as the Supersoul and are limited in our capacity to understand how our actions affect others. How many times have we been in a situation where we have interacted with someone in a spiritually superior position and out of awe and respect we have been tongue tied, felt afraid, suppressed or unqualified to sufficiently express how we feel? It happens! And it's probably more common than we actually think. We can also be mistaken to think that we are the only ones that have this experience, and if we aren't fully conscious of our actions when dealing with our relationships; we can personally become the reason for others feeling like this. This requires us to be conscientious when speaking to one another, when speaking to people in front of groups; replying to emails, text messages or calls, all these mediums of communication have a tremendous impact on another person's state of mind; and we can become oblivious to it.

How much do we prioritise people's feelings and become more conscious of our actions on a daily basis? Conversations, text messages, how we treat people in public; every single interaction has an outcome. We can introspect; are we exploitative or nurturing, are we thinking solely about their spiritual and material welfare; or is it tinged with a desire to exploit the person's time, money, position or even weaknesses? Is it a suppression mechanism to fan our own egos? Of course, this is just one end of the spectrum; there are many great examples of people who are caring and very conscientious in their interactions; they have been a source of inspiration for many of us and it is through the blessings and guidance of such personalities that we are able to make spiritual progress. I wrote this article as a meditation on my personal observations and mistakes, as well as the experiences of others who I have had the opportunity to learn from.

Spiritual life is a completely internal process, but many times we have a subtle desire to be recognised and appreciated for our "spiritually exalted position"; This carries the potential to have a destructive effect on our relationships; with delusions of grandeur, we live in our own little bubble thinking solely about the importance of our own schedules, projects and time; but our relationships take an almighty beating as we become completely oblivious to our behaviour towards other people while the 'important' things in our life take precedence.

If somebody isn't as experienced or as fortunate as ourselves, they will look to take refuge in people who they look up to, just as we might have done when we were in a similar position. Even though we may start off with a genuine desire to selflessly help that person; through familiarity, unfortunately that desire can develop into exploitation of the person for our own vision or own long term goals, overlooking the person's material, emotional; and maybe even spiritual welfare, because our view on helping them in those areas can be tinged by our own idea of where they fit in with our plans and projects. As opposed to being compassionate, to help raise the persons' understanding, so it stands them in good stead for their future, both personally and for the leadership responsibilities that they will take on in future; we create the leaders for tomorrow who breed the same values as we have shown in our dealings. These values carry the underlining message of - "Get the job done, at any costs and use whoever you need to get it done". If we want to help create a generation of selfless, caring and loving leaders; we must do and not just say. Just as parents may tell their children to do this or that, but ultimately, they'll only observe their parents and do as they do - Actions speak louder than words.

By creating or maintaining a certain image for ourselves, we can in some ways alienate those people who we are trying to assist and support; it becomes more about preserving our image and position than selflessly helping others. Of course, there is a need to maintain a positive image in order to set a good example, but not if the intention is to exploit others and as a result damage relationships.

Sometimes the greatest lessons can be learnt through the 'negative' experiences we have been through in our past... What made me feel good? What made me feel bad? Unfortunately, we are often guilty of making the same mistakes that we have accused others of. Introspecting on the motivation behind the choices we make, actions we take and the words we speak can be a potent force in developing a selfless spirit; an example of this is our intention in bringing people to our chosen spiritual path, Is it linked to fan our own ego; or to assist in their spiritual welfare? We have to question our motivation for wanting to bring them to our chosen path. Are we after the satisfaction of 'converting' someone to our own belief; or is it out of genuine concern for their spiritual nourishment? If it's for the satisfaction of our own ego, then we may initially be able to put on a show of care for some time, but the required qualities to care for people in the long run will be very difficult to develop, because the motivation is not properly aligned. If it's for the latter, we will develop the qualities required to care for and support people on a much deeper level and consequently become more conscious of our behaviour on a daily basis.

There is a real need to go beyond just displaying these qualities and actually developing them; and to do that, we need to be conscientious about how we behave with people at every moment in every way, whether it be on on the phone, face to face, on facebook and even on a blog.